I bought myself some new scissors today for my scraproom. You'll recognize them by their shiny black handles. They are unlike my old red-handled ones, for the fact that you'll actually find them in my scraproom, as God knows where the red ones are (not blaming you or anything... just sayin'....).
I'm writing you this letter, to let you know that you may borrow my new scissors, however they are NOT to leave my scraproom (note: you may only cut paper with them -- not plastic, metal, or anything sticky -- and for the love of God, not for personal grooming rituals). Failure to comply with the acceptable use of these new scissors, or overlooking the fact that they are to remain in my scraproom at all times, will carry heavy consequences for you. You know me, so you know what my consequences are like.
Thank you in advance for
Your loving wife (who is not afraid to use sharp scissors to get her point accross),